As I traversed through Beijing's streets, my mind wandered off into how different things were now compared against those first few weeks back in the early days. It was then that we all felt a little bit lost, albeit our initial interactions being laced with excitement about diving headfirst to learning an unknown culture and foreign language - what I found myself fixated on however is not so much from 'starting over,' but rather understanding how these experiences can be linked back into forming one's identity. This was the time when all seemed like a blank page, where no amount of Google nor expat blogs could've prepared us for our transition to real-life China - I had gotten past this point once already; now returning from my trip abroad it felt almost as though trying fit myself and old ways back into new shoes.
At that moment everything about going through the motions was a far cry, there were so many points of contention between how people outside reacted upon hearing where we originated from. 'The expats,' one might hear - these terms which I found thrown around loosely in conversation when meeting someone for just an hour's worth can be disheartening; some said it reminded me to my initial reactions as well: "I think the biggest culture shock was having people ask if you are going back home," says Anna, a fellow expat who has been through this transition phase herself.
Comparing myself now against then I found one thing which didn't change - namely how locals view us 'expats'. With every step forward into my past and present life as an outsider in China it dawned on me; those first few weeks back would always prove to be a big test of mettle, from understanding that you're again starting over all by yourself. In looking at what I have managed so far - or even the mere fact we were 'expats,' this brings memories flooding right through into my mind like in "Find Work Abroad: The Other Side Of Equation," which makes one wonder about a few other points and how these can apply to not just myself, but also those who find themselves lost upon navigating their own identity back from abroad - as another expat friend John says:"I think it's all too common for people like us or anyone else that gets caught up in this kind of vicious cycle."
A natural curiosity does form around understanding the concept behind 'expats' and what actually defines our status, especially when we are seen to be returning; there may just as well have been a mix-up between who exactly is an expat. It's easy for many foreign residents abroad not only in China but also elsewhere like Europe or America - I could almost imagine myself from this very thought process having trouble describing it further and how these can apply more universally.
At times when you first start to navigate your surroundings, there will be people that bring a lot of questions along with them. So much so is the curiosity formed around understanding our status as 'expats' - I found myself caught up in this vicious cycle from not knowing where exactly one begins and ends; these were all thoughts which seemed incredibly important at first but now appear to me more like secondary, perhaps they are even entirely different for each individual expat.
As you begin your journey into understanding yourself as a returning 'expats', or rather someone else completely new - the key point here is that there may well be other points in our lives where these exact same experiences could apply elsewhere and therefore knowing this makes it more than possible to know oneself, especially when relating such an expat life back home. "I think I've come full circle now," Anna said about her own journey as a returning 'expats' from abroad - she was no longer thinking of herself in that capacity anymore.
As we all take our last look around upon leaving this China which formed part into their way to live there, what struck me is the great amount and weight put onto understanding oneself forming ones very identity out here for both Anna as well myself; a conclusion could be drawn from knowing full how these points of contention will forever bring people closer together in finding themselves within - not only our status but also having set foot back into China after an initial trip elsewhere.
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